What you can do to reduce the conflict:

1. Involve you eldest in the new baby’s life immediately. It is not even necessary to wait until birth. Let them pick out the baby’s room’s decorations before birth. Let your toddler pick out the baby’s clothes after birth. For truly demanding children, let them pick out the baby’s diaper and blankets as well. (Keep it within reason, of course. You are the parent.)

2. Big brother and big sister T-shirts are cute. However, they are not necessary. You can supplement your budget and your child’s artistic talent by giving them a T-shirt and asking them to make their own big brother/sister shirt. If they make a “little brother/sister” T-shirt for the baby, it can be put on a stuffed animal in the crib until the new sibling is able to safely wear it.

3. Give your firstborn a baby doll that is theirs to take care of. It can give children of both genders a source of fun domination when the baby comes. It also allows them a safe toy to imitate with.

4. Remind them of all the things they can do as big kids that babies can’t do.

5. Tell the older child how much you love them.

6. Let them know that the baby likes them, even if they can’t say it yet. A baby that constantly cries can leave an older child with the impression that it does not like them. This adds to sibling rivalry.

7. Make certain you have time for just your firstborn as well.

8. Ask for others to help and give attention just to your firstborn.

9. When there are baby showers, have gifts for the firstborn, too.

10. Encourage your toddler to help while you take care of the newborn. Let them bring you diapers or wipes. Let them watch while you change diapers or feed the child.

11. Ask your child occasionally if they want an extra hug or kiss. Be certain to do this without having lavished affection on the baby first. Periodically check on them and encourage them to ask for more love and affection when they want it, rather than waiting for jealousy to boil over into a tantrum in demands for equal time and attention.